Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
