He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
