Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
