just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
