The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
