No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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