He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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