Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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