if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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