So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
