To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
