No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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