Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize