I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
