I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
