His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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