drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
