Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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