This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How's work?
Spinning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
