Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
