You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
