hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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