btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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