it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
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a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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