so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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