just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
