Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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