alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
