her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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