My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
