I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
