i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
