My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
