You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
birth control should be required to get into college
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
