I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
