i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
