I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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