the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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