Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
