You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
