I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
