if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
