Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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