He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
