That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
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the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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