your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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