They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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