I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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