I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
