There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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