I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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