I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
