Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
