so let's talk penis.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
