real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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