I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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